Eliminated.

So yeah, I got laid off.

And it happened so fast. I knew that the company was not hitting their numbers for a couple of months, and they already started with a couple of layoffs, and I even knew that it could happen to me. Just not as fast as it did. It was not based on performance, but since they have a small finance/admin department, and I was not billable, I was an obvious choice. Four others were let go the same day as me, to go with the two they let go in the previous three weeks. Oh I'm sorry, the real explanation was that my position was "eliminated" and that they are doing some "restructuring." What ever helps you sleep at night.

Also the way they did it... I know this is how companies do this, but it still feels so dirty. I was called into my boss' office with the head of HR there, and they told me. They wanted me to just leave right then and there (it was 4:30 PM). They shut my computer off while I was talking to them (quickly deactivating my email and work account). They didn't even want me to grab any of my personal belongings (I did manage to grab a few things). And they kept staring at me until I left. I felt like some sort of a criminal. I was not surprised, but it still hit me hard.

This all happened right before vacation (worse - they laid off this other guy while he was on his honeymoon!) It didn't ruin the trip at all - we went to Seattle (with day trips to Portland via Aberdeen, and to Vancouver). The trip was amazing. Melissa and I took our own little grunge tour - saw Kurt's house in Seattle and where he grew up in Aberdeen, the apartment complex from the movie Singles, and West Seattle, where Eddie Vedder lives and where Easy Street Records is (Newbury Comics for the west coast). We saw fish being thrown at Pike Place, went up the Space Needle, nearly teared up in the Experience Music Project when we walked through the Pacific Northwest wing with all of the early 90's memorabilia (including hand-written lyrics from Kurt Cobain and Chris Cornell). We even went to Cannon Beach in Oregon, which is the beach in the Goonies. We fell in love with Seattle very easily.

But now we are back, and I have spent all week submitting my resume everywhere. I have gotten calls from tons of recruiters, and i have agreed to meet with all of them, hoping that someone will have something. No matter what they promise, I know what to expect from them - lots of talk, not much else after that, except maybe an interview or two. I can see ten recruiters, and may not get anything at all from eight of them. But all it takes is one.

This is all new to me. I have always done well at my job, and even at my previous job, I knew I was awesome, I just wanted a chance to move up, which they did not want to do. So now I am home with Olivia, feeling like a single dad during the day with Melissa at work. I drop her off at the in-laws when I need to meet with recruiters (which I have been doing all week). I feel bad when I am online or on the phone with recruiters and not giving Olivia all of my attention, but I have to do what I have to do. Right now, she just had her lunch and is napping on the couch, looking adorable.

So I guess I will do what I need to - if nothing comes up right away, I need to try and enjoy this extra time I have with Olivia, because when I do get a new job, I will miss this. I am getting a severance, so at least I will still be getting some money for awhile. And after that, along with unemployment, Melissa can support my jobless buttocks. I would do it for her (wait, I already did!)

Oh yeah, and Melissa's situation - when she got laid off, she didn't find a job for months, then found a crappy job, but left that one quickly and found her current job right after, and she loves it. So there is hope for me! :)