Reflections.

Melissa went out with the girls tonight, so it was just Olivia and me all night. We had a nice evening together - she had a lovely bowl of rice cereal and carrots for dinner, and we watched "Anchorman" on TV while falling asleep on the couch. I just gave her the last bottle of the night and put her to bed. Such a cutie.

It is now February, meaning that I will be turning 32 later this month. I must say that I am pretty happy with where I am in my life now. In a happy marriage, with an amazing little daughter, with a good job and a nice house. I guess what still amazes me sometimes is how I once thought a long time ago that life would never be that great. Growing up, I lived in a crammed little apartment with my mom who was sick and my dad who had a bad temper as a result of that, going to a school I didn't care about. The only friend I didn't mind bringing over to the house was Ralph, because I was embarrassed for anyone else to see. Half of my family was insane (especially my crazy aunt) and tried to brainwash me into being all ultra-religious many times. At times I felt as if I would never be able to escape all of that.

I feel extremely lucky to have met Melissa, who helped me get away from all of that. She stuck with me even after my crazy aunt threatened her on the phone. We got away and have had a good time in Massachusetts - living in an apartment, then a condo, now a house. She has a great family and great friends, and my depression I had from my childhood went away. And I do think that it was all meant to be, especially after creating the most amazing little girl.

And amazing she is. I find myself staring at her sometimes, in amazement that she is my daughter. She looks at me with those big eyes, so sweet and so perfect. She is moving along in her life wonderfully - she passed the six month old mark, and she is just starting to get her first two teeth. She loves making all sorts of funny noises, is eating everything we feed her, and still sleeps pretty well throughout the night. Even at Melissa's grandfather's wake and funeral, she was great throughout the whole thing - being passed around, being held by everyone, lightening up the mood a bit. The girl could be a baby model right now - perfect baby cheeks, pudges in all the right places, long eyelashes, a funny little laugh and a smile that can warm you up on a cold day. And when she falls asleep - whether in the crib, in her boppy, or in your arms - one can't help but to just stare at her and smile.

Having a family really does change your outlook on life. I don't feel the need or cravings to want to go out and drink all the time - not that I ever was a big drinker, anyway. Once in awhile it is still fun, to catch up with friends and have a good time. But now, everything is about the girl. Making sure she is on her regular schedule, making sure she is happy. Making sure the house is clean and making improvements whenever we can. Sure it gets tiring, especially being so tired after work and not wanting to feed Olivia that last bottle, but somehow we find the will go get up and do it, because we have to. Because Olivia is helpless and needs her parents right now. And one day, when she is older, we will remind her of all of this. :)

So yes, things are good. Last year was an extremely difficult year with so much going on, but it ended up being all good stuff and we got through it ok. It was hard trying to sell our condo and there were doubts in the beginning as to whether we would be able to get this house. The work situation sucked but I found a better place. School sucked but I graduated and made some good friends out of it. And Melissa went through most of this while being pregnant, but all worked out with that as well, obviously.

So as I approach my next birthday, I am thinking about what will happen next - how I can become more visible in my role at work, especially with my boss about to go out on maternity leave. How I will ever get through taking down all of the wallpaper borders in the living room and the bedroom, which is becoming more of a pain than I originally thought. And what funny and cool things Olivia will do next - when she will begin to crawl or walk, when her teeth will fully grow in, how she will react to eating new foods and drinking with a sippy cup, when her hair will grow in more so we could put her in pigtails. All good things.

Melissa, I hope you had fun tonight. But just know that Olivia and I were thinking about you, and that I am happy knowing that I get to crawl into bed with you every night, and there is a little girl in the next room who loves us more than anything in the whole wide world.